Recent Events

The other week my mom was admitted into the hospital, not for long… just a night. She couldn't breathe; they found a blood clot in her lungs. Blood clots normally start in the legs and work their way up and every now and then they can start in your heart, from what I understand. Therefore she may have more. I feel like this whole situation is, going down hill, it doesn't seem to be getting any better. Worse, I would say things are worse, and it's not supposed to get worse. She's still so young, only in her 40's, I'm still so young, my sister, her God-daughter… were all still so young and all I can think about is I almost lost my mom. Were all so young and I almost lost my mom, I could loose my mom still, it's not over. Everything would be different. I almost lost my mom.

Everyone keeps telling her that she's got to have a guardian angle because most people don't live though a blood clot in their lungs. The doctor told her that if it gets worse or she gets another one she will die. Thanks doc! They put her on blood thinners, and I feel like they took the snow globe, of our lives, turned it upside down and shook! Shook hard. Now she's seeing all these doctors and it seems like another one is added to the list weekly. She's in pain, tired and peeing blood every time she goes to the bathroom. The doctors don't seem to care. WHY DON'T YOU CARE! They saved my mom's life once do they just think ' oh my job is done, everyone's only got one get out of free jail card and then we wash are hand of you'? I don't understand. Ugh! It's so frustrating, stressful, and all the while I just try to keep my happy face on like everything's okay but all I can think is… I almost lost my mom,… I could loose my mom…

I never noticed how greatly she impacted my life, my everyday life, why didn't I notice this. I feel like… like I need to get on the ball I've wasted all this time and I might not have much left. Am I over reacting? Everyday it's like a daily check in, everyday something new happens or something gets worse and like I said the doctors don't seem to care. This is a mother, my mother, she's peeing blood the whole world should stop, more test need to be ran, DO SOMETHING, call her back at least. This morning she peed a clot! How is it that she's peeing blood and their telling her that 'you're peeing it because your blood's too thin' but it's still clotting? This drug could be killing my mom and no one wants to help her, help us. What will I do if she's taken from me? How am I suppose to do anything when everyday it seems like I'm getting closer and closer to loosing her? I could loose my mom. This shouldn't be allowed. I'm not prepared. I need some reassurance that everything's going to be okay, that she'll still be here for another 40 years. Someone help, I could loose my mom.