Rose Colored Glasses.

Another thing I'm going to have to buy one day, possibly soon. Rose colored glasses. Everything must be happier and nicer though rose colored glasses.

Easy Button

I want to get me an easy button, just for the hell of having one. I'm going to sit it on my desk just to push it and pretend, hope, wish that it was like the commercials. :P

Monday, Monday

Monday, Ick.

I think it's going to be a long day. Friday was a freaking long day. My weekend wasn't too bad, which always helps. Saturday morning I finished unpacking… finally, then in the evening we had a birthday get together to go to and that was nice. Then on Sunday we just relaxed. Went to Dunkin Donuts in the morning, watched a couple of movies and just relaxed.

How was everyone else's weekend?

Recent Events

The other week my mom was admitted into the hospital, not for long… just a night. She couldn't breathe; they found a blood clot in her lungs. Blood clots normally start in the legs and work their way up and every now and then they can start in your heart, from what I understand. Therefore she may have more. I feel like this whole situation is, going down hill, it doesn't seem to be getting any better. Worse, I would say things are worse, and it's not supposed to get worse. She's still so young, only in her 40's, I'm still so young, my sister, her God-daughter… were all still so young and all I can think about is I almost lost my mom. Were all so young and I almost lost my mom, I could loose my mom still, it's not over. Everything would be different. I almost lost my mom.

Everyone keeps telling her that she's got to have a guardian angle because most people don't live though a blood clot in their lungs. The doctor told her that if it gets worse or she gets another one she will die. Thanks doc! They put her on blood thinners, and I feel like they took the snow globe, of our lives, turned it upside down and shook! Shook hard. Now she's seeing all these doctors and it seems like another one is added to the list weekly. She's in pain, tired and peeing blood every time she goes to the bathroom. The doctors don't seem to care. WHY DON'T YOU CARE! They saved my mom's life once do they just think ' oh my job is done, everyone's only got one get out of free jail card and then we wash are hand of you'? I don't understand. Ugh! It's so frustrating, stressful, and all the while I just try to keep my happy face on like everything's okay but all I can think is… I almost lost my mom,… I could loose my mom…

I never noticed how greatly she impacted my life, my everyday life, why didn't I notice this. I feel like… like I need to get on the ball I've wasted all this time and I might not have much left. Am I over reacting? Everyday it's like a daily check in, everyday something new happens or something gets worse and like I said the doctors don't seem to care. This is a mother, my mother, she's peeing blood the whole world should stop, more test need to be ran, DO SOMETHING, call her back at least. This morning she peed a clot! How is it that she's peeing blood and their telling her that 'you're peeing it because your blood's too thin' but it's still clotting? This drug could be killing my mom and no one wants to help her, help us. What will I do if she's taken from me? How am I suppose to do anything when everyday it seems like I'm getting closer and closer to loosing her? I could loose my mom. This shouldn't be allowed. I'm not prepared. I need some reassurance that everything's going to be okay, that she'll still be here for another 40 years. Someone help, I could loose my mom.

Thunderstorms

This is just a cute e-mail I received at work the other day and wanted to share.

A little girl walked to and from school daily.

Though the weather that morning was questionable and clouds were
forming, she made her daily trek to the elementary school.

As the afternoon progressed, the winds whipped up, along with thunder
and lightning.

The mother of the little girl felt concerned that her daughter would be
frightened as she walked home from school and she herself feared that
the electrical storm might harm her child.

Full of concern, the mother quickly got into her car and drove along
the route to her child's school. As she did so, she saw her little
girl walking along, but at each flash of lightning, the child would
stop, look up and smile. Another and another were to follow quickly
and with each the little girl would look at the streak of light and smile.

When the mother's car drew up beside the child she lowered the window
and called to her, "What are you doing?" The child answered, "I am
trying to look pretty. God keeps taking my picture."

Wishing to be back at the beach.

Afternoon blog buddies.

Another wonderful day at wonderful work. Maybe I should think about moving, moving to the beach. I can't even imagine having that to look forward to every day, I can't imagine something like that getting old.

I know I should start looking for 'my real' career when every day seems to be a bad one. People just amaze me. I've been told some many times by so many people that I'm so wise beyond my years and I just always thought that my feelings and actions were just common since. I am finding out differently.

The company I work for... I guess could be considered young, were still learning and growing. I've been here for two and a half years and almost half of the office staff that was here when I started are now gone. The trend seems to be all the people that have been here since the start are, more or less, running all the newer people out. It's gotten worse as of lately, but anyway that's not what I'm getting at. When I started working here there were two other girls here that were about my age and we started this 'you've worked here to long if... ' like Jeff Foxworthy's 'your a redneck if...' . Oh those were the good old days. I think my work is trying to become more corporate like now.

I have a younger sister, she's just coming into the real world. She's got so much to learn. I can remember thinking 'what else can there really be' or something to the affect of that. Boy is there just so much more. I feel like I was just so much more advanced then she is right now and ... well I feel like I need to shield her from the world or prepare her more. But you can't, most of these thing, life experiences you can't comprehend until your there. I sure try though, I get frustrated a lot of the time because it seems to go in one ear and out the other. What can you do? Just be there when she needs someone.

Well I'll Chaim in a little later today I'm sure. Till then!

Rain

It's raining out.

I love the rain, it has so many feelings. There can be something so calming about the rain, or sexual, lazy, welcoming or even curl up on the sofa and watch movies all day.

My family has a cottage up in the mountains, when it storms the thunder is almost defining. I love it... I love feeling the thunder roll down the street. It's exciting.

Does all this sound silly? Or do others feel this way too?

Polka - Dots!

Polka-Dots ~ I love polka - dots!

The beach

I just got back from a wonderful much needed vacation. Life has gotten a little out of hand lately and it was so nice to get away. I went with my boyfriend and some of his family. We rented a couple of condos that were right on the beach, we had balconies over looking the water. Water as far as the eye can see, I loved it. I love the beach! I love the sound of the waves crashing, I love how they can just ... flow right though you, how the sound can just flow right though you like you have become part of the ocean. Gosh I'm probably just being silly, it sounds silly on paper, I don't know how to describe it. All I know is when I'm there, listening, it just allows my soul to become free, to forget everything. It's amazing. Like a religion.

Needless to say I did have a wonderful time. I came back surprisingly tan with a replenished apatite for life. Nothing better than that.

My 1st Post!

I figure since this is my 1st post it should be a happy one or more up beat, to give a good 1st impression. Let me tell you a little about myself.

If you haven't figured it out ... I'm a chick, well, ... with freckles. :) One of my roommates in school use to say 'A face without freckles is like a sky without stars' she had more freckles then I have by far though.

I'm in a relationship with a wonderful man and hope that it blossoms into a wonderful, beautiful life. He treats me very well.

I have two cats, Titus and Charlie, both boys. I pick Titus up from the shelter when he was a few months old, he's about a year and a few months now. Black and white, a perfect tux, and full of personality. Charlie is orange and white and such a Gemini, split personality and all. Their cute.

I have a job that isn't going to be my career and that's okay for now... I'm still young, as my friend likes to tell people 'she's still under warranty'. It's what I like to call my 1st 'real' job and am learning quite a bit about the working world. I've been there for ... two and a half years.

But anyway I hope you all stay tuned. Thanks for dropping by!